A new spiritual family in recovery

A little bit about recovery sounds to good to be true. As I started coming to meetings and just listening, I was pleasantly surprised And how important it was for these people to come together to discuss their common problem alcoholism. to have a person or a group of people who understand what I’m going through, who have gone through the same thing same troubles, the same nightmares to be there and willing to take time just to talk with me to let me know that there is A way out of the troubles I’ve been causing myself They’re not throwing their wisdom and knowledge around. They’re just sharing their experience strength and hope and they’re just trying to be there because they know how terrible this disease is and that it wants to kill us. they know: Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care

     When I make a list of all persons I have harmed, I must not forget to put myself at the very top of that list. I must remember that I deserve amends just as much as any other person on my list. How do I go about making amends to myself tho?     This is where I struggle in my amends. When making my amends to all other persons I have harmed, I pray and ask my higher power for guidance, to which He gives me. I ask for guidance in the ways that I can make amends to myself, but I still am completely unsure how to go about it. It feels selfish to me, even though I have heard from many old timers that it's something I need to do for myself. Just plain self-care at this point still feels extremely selfish, but I am getting better at it through practice.  Does self-care qualify as making amends to oneself?         

 When I first met my sponsor and accepted a few of his suggestions that would begin the process of him and myself going through the 12 steps he began to tell me that this was a program of action As I continue to go through the steps, I began to understand that I had to get into action, reading learning about certain aspects of the steps, writing them down pencil to paper and coming together with my sponsor, too dig in depth, undesired parts of my life  Come together with God and ask for the courage to make the change that I need responsibility to make an amends. It didn’t matter how but it mattered a conscious effort, regardless of the outcome. Once I come to begin to work on my daily inventory and draw closer to my higher power Who I choose to call God,  the result of my actions created within me a spiritual experience.  In understanding my spiritual experience, I know that I could not have received it unless I had put forth wholeheartedly and honest felt action at working the steps,

  I was introduced to the 12 Step Program back in 2014 2015. through a light reading of the first three steps, I accepted I was an alcoholic, and I did not worry about considering the understanding of a higher power in step two and step three because I believed in God and didn’t think I needed to waste to much time on this topic.  I now began to embark on a step four, courageous and moral inventory of myself, The step that I knew everybody would fall off at and begin to find out what was wrong with me growing up because this was the only thing I honestly wanted to do out of this 12 Step Program, kind of weird, huh?  After completing many fourth steps, This truly changed my life and help me to understand the things that I dealt with growing up, the fears I Felt, the resentments that turned into defects of character and further led me into a toxic way of life that no matter what I did, I could never find peace or happiness, and usually any action I would take would be negative and impuls

 A lot has been said about what a grateful alcoholic is and to me it is an amazing transformation because of the fact I never believed I could ever state that I was a grateful alcoholic I’ve Suffered some very traumatic family tragedies that at first I never thought I could reconcile with my recovery, however after completing the steps and having spiritual experience as a result of the steps, I can honestly say that the emotional sobriety that I enjoy today is a blessing Gratitude is a very difficult thing for me too cultivate however I know that I truly like going to AA meetings. I love talking about the steps. I love working the steps. I love working with others because I believe in the process I believe that change does come through working the steps.  And as a result of all the tragedies I’ve had in my life criminal behavior. I’ve wreaked havoc on others. You are witnessing nothing short of aAnd as a result of all the tragedies I’ve had in my life criminal behavior. I’ve reeked hav